He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
