I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
