what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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