my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
