I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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