i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
