Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize