She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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