they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
