i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
