I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
