some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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