I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
