fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
