We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
