margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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