you have to choose: penises or morals?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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