i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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