I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
