My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
