Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
