I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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