Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
