i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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