Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
