so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk is not a location!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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