He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
