someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
