Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
