Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is classic penis vs brain.
3 2 1 whiskey
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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