chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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