my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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