I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
