Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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