Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
