Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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