Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
