I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
