I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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