The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
