Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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