I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
