i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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