Pregnant stripper...not hot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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