Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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