I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Randomize
