I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
