you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
