Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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