Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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