I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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