Plan B is the new Plan A
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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