My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pants are for mortals
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
