She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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