Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
