i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
