Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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