I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Semen is not good for contacts.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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