I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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