i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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