Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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