so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
