new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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