At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
