oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
