on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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