You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
