I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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