thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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