Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
